We learned a lot of different definitions in class this
week, but a concept that got me thinking a lot was ‘passing’. It got me wondering
about the times I've tried to be a part of a group that wasn't my own. I thought
of a few examples, but one that really stuck out was my entire sixth grade
school year.
In sixth grade I tried to fit in with the “popular girls”
because I thought they were cool and well, doesn't every middle school girl
want to be popular? Anyway, I tried really hard to be one of the cool girls
during that year of my life, but it didn't work all that well. Let’s just say I’m
a bit of a dork and I didn't accept that until later. I thought I wanted to be
like the other girls, so I attempted to dress and act like them.
This photo was taken at a birthday party in October 2004; I’m
the one on the far right. I’m pretty sure I zipped my sweatshirt all the way up
because I was embarrassed about the shirt I was wearing underneath it. Also, I distinctly
remember being extremely excited when I bought that sweatshirt because it was
my first purchase from Aeropostale and I thought that made me super cool.
Turns out when I tried to pass for a popular girl, I didn't
succeed in the long run. I’m happy about this now, but quite embarrassed
looking back on myself during that time. However, everything worked out for the
better. Of those five other girls in the picture, I’m not close friends with
any of them anymore—and to be honest, I would only be comfortable having a
conversation with two of those girls. I found people that are more like me and I
feel comfortable around no matter what. For a year, I passed as part of the
popular crowd, and after that I started to realize who I was. I’m glad for this
part of my life because I grew up and became who I am today.
Good for you for discovering who you are. I think we all want to belong somewhere and society and peer pressure wants to make us believe if we are not "cool" we are not worth anything. It is a sad reality that most adolescents go through. It took me a very long time to even find friends that I could talk to outside of school let alone a group. I never did get to be considered part of the cool crowd like you did, even if it was just a brief time, but like you said, you just have to be you and that's all that should ever matter.
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